Too long I feel this emptiness
The missing piece you were
The answer to my loneliness
Now that you are gone
More than when we began
You have taken away from me
Its hard to sleep
Torn apart, killing me
Bleeding in too deep
I can’t stop thinking
Coz..

You are big in me
Its growing, its rupturing my head
I am entangled in this chain you’ve made
It is hard for me to break
Once you were by my side
Now I watch you fade
The pain, it still resides
Cause you’re still big in me


No where to seek my shelter
Lost in this endless sea
Drowning in this heavy water
Buried in the leaden sand
Never have I felt anything like this
Longing for the touch of your hand
Please show me the light
Guide me to your grace
Please come back to me
And filling this empty space
Coz..

You are big in me
Its growing, its rupturing my head
I am entangled in this chain you’ve made
It is hard for me to break
Once you were by my side
Now I watch you fade
The pain, it still resides
Cause you’re still big in me

Still big in me….

- Nizam

1) Been out kayaking since early in the morning with a group of friends.. Met my last instructor along the way who gave us tips about star 2 kayaking.. Heh.. I think we kayak more than 5 klick today coz i cant even lift up my leg properly.. But its all good!

2) Enjoyed a great new type of chicken rice called Ayam Penyek/Penyet.. Nice but its just too damn spicy for me..

3) Went Vivo City, nothing much there, a big posh shopping center with a load waste of space and at level 3 of the shopping mall i must say they have to demolish that directory which is blocking the traffic flow near the escalator.. Who is the architect?? ZZzz... A place with a nice view thats all.. Oh and one thing the glass panel around each levels they look so fragile.. Dun they learn about the Plaza Singapura incident that i experienced and wrote about earlier on in my blog??

The only spoiler today was my sore throat and i am glad to share it with a friend.. LOL

I do not know why but each time i add new a contact to my MSN, they don't seem to receive my invitation or when they have already added me it still says that the status is still pending.. WTF.. And there is this one thing that happened to one of the contacts that i added, i can add him to chat in someone else's window but i can't chat with him in his own window as he is still not in my contacts yet. I can even send him files and he can do the same.. WTF is going on with my MSN.. Anyone knows how to rectify this problem? I have tried reinstalling but it just wont work....

This past two days was filled with loads of fun even though at the end of the day everyone complaint of being tired and aching all over and burnt. All was good!

It was just our luck that the sun was scroching hot in the eastern part of Singapore even though it was the monsoon season. We canoed at the Kallang Basin. Well knowing its a basin, you can imagine what goes in and out of the basin from the sea and the monsoon drain. FYI: The basin will be so called "upgraded" into a reservoir and closed off from the sea and it will be freshwater and much cleaner in late 2007 i suppose.

Anyway back at home i was told that its was raining heavily. :/ Everyone got burnt quite a bit despite the loads of sunblock we kept on applying. And no more sandals for kayaking!

Made new friends along the way and thanks to Wailoon, Ke Ying, Jasmine, Crystal, Wilson, Jason, CK, Thomas. The 4 of us feel welcomed, entertained (especially with the trio - Jason, Thomas and CK. with their hilarious antics - it be quite dull without them around) and enjoyed ourselves. Dont be strangers! Widening our social circle is always a great thing as it helps us being where we are and what we are studying in. Heh..

Oh thanks to the instructors too Yi Ling and Peter for their time and effort. They were very accomodating to us as well.

Cant wait for my upgrade of my license to Star 2. Got license to kayak now but no license to drive a car. And maybe an expedition around SG. I am an outdoor junkie!

Im just so bored since the start of the holidays.. I want to continue my driving license but just feel so lazy to do so - since a number of my friends already have them, so i just depend on them for the mean time. :D Anyway still waiting for my book from Sasa. Need to prove that it is not a curse that cause everyone to need to take at least twice.. Heh..

I want to search for a part time job and earn some money first. But where should i begin? Anyone has lobang or know any job offer please do inform me. Preferably $5/hr at least.. Lol. Working as a volunteer do not earn me enough as what i spent on transport and food will be equal to half of the salary at the end of the month. Yes it sucks.. Haha..

I cant wait for this weekend. Its been a long time since i kayak. And now i am back to my own running routine since the exams. Alright i am off to my evening run now.. Staying healthy feels damn good! Haha..

I took part in the Essay writing competition celebrating SCDF 25th year and won 2nd place!! Lol.. I didnt think i would win since i only drafted it twice.. Heh.. Well here is an insight of the intro and the ending:


Little did I know that I will be enlisted in the SCDF. I mean, was there such a thing? I only knew that enlistment was to either the Army or to the Police (my brother was enlisted for police that is how I know). To all the civilians out there who still think that NS is just about the army – think again.

Nonetheless, I guess Civil Defence it is. But what was I to do? I am well aware that I am not prepared for this; I do not know what the regime is like in SCDF and what they actually do. But I believe in making the best out of everything so I took up the challenge, whatever the challenge may be (of course with a bit of research done before enlistment) that lies ahead of me.

More than two years ago, I stepped into BRTC – I knew what it meant and where it is because of the little bit of research I have done – with my parents, a bag packed full of my stuff for the duration many would call “hell time” and a funky hairstyle. Yes, my head was still full of hair. In any case, I was dumbfounded.

I asked myself, “This was THE camp? It does not look like any of the camps I have been to. Am I in the right location? So much for all the research I’ve done!”
I told my dad, “This is Jalan Bahar Prison right? Maybe the camp is further down the road.” I remembered the way he turned back and look and me with a smile. A smile that I understand without him saying – “You wish it is!” Bla.... Bla... Bla....


For more than a year, I have always treasured every single moment of my stint in Yishun Fire Station. Through thick and thin the guys gave me a helping hand whenever I needed it without asking for favours in return. It was more than just a Rota; they were my team players, my friends and my family.

From a recruit to a trainee, a trainee to an ERS and an ERS to the RC I am now, I have been given one of the greatest opportunities to excel and show the potential I had in me. All the tasks I have been given, up to the final one, I have not only developed myself to be truly independent and think out on my own two feet but treasure the trust I earned with the return of my utmost dedication and hard work to my men, colleagues and commanders.

As I look back at all the days I have spent, I am content for the freedom that I have been given now but truthfully I am sad as well that I will be leaving. Many do not have a chance to walk the path I have stridden and I am glad to share my NS experience with everyone. These are colourful and meaningful memories that would forever be etched deep in my heart. These are memories that have moulded me to be able to face the challenges in my next phase of life and I truly would like to thank everyone who has in a way play a part in making my NS life a fruitful one.

Its been a very long time since i blogged!! Hello to those who has kept on viewing my blog to check out for new entries and i am really sorry for not being a frequent updater. Just got other priorities like the exams.. Anyway its good to be back! And i will update frequently when i have time.. :D And thank God Exams are finally over!!